Count down

Jared will be home on Friday :)

** That's pretty much my gratitude list for the rest of the week LOL.

Had a nice easy day today- slept in, ran errands, did not do laundry [but I will, tonight], picked up some books at the library- Walker found a new book in the Children of the Lamp series, which he's allowing me to borrow AFTER he finishes reading it- and now we're going to the grocery store.

Sunday was interesting. Some days are more tender than others, and I don't really have the luxury of skipping my women's meeting, because I'm partially responsible for running it. It's good, because it keeps me busy. It's not so good when I'm feeling raw and sensitive, and I'm up in front of people and I feel like my guts are hanging out there for all the world to admire. Or not, as the case may be. I try not to leave in the middle of the lesson, because that brings more attention to me, since I cannot sneak out from the front of the room. But there are times when I have to focus really hard on my fingernails, or something equally un-emotional, to keep the sobs in my chest from spilling over. That being said, Sunday was not actually one of those days, and I actually learned something helpful to me. We took one of President Dieter F Uchtdorf's addresses from the Sept. 2008 General Relief Society Conference [our women's conference], and I'll just share the parts that I needed:

Happiness is my heritage. It's a gift from my Heavenly Father, and it is something that is rightfully mine- not a treat, a sometimes thing, but a right that I have at all times- to be happy. So, how do I get and keep this happiness? [Pres. Uchtdorf suggested 2 ways: be creative [make something] and be compassionate] And then this, which I'm quoting exactly:

President Gordon B. Hinckley believed in the healing power of service. After the death of his wife, he provided a great example to the Church in the way he immersed himself in work and in serving others. It is told that President Hinckley remarked to one woman who had recently lost her husband, “Work will cure your grief. Serve others.” [I put part of that in bold]. I cannot imagine the grief he felt at losing his wife of 60 years, and the loneliness and heartache that he must have felt. And yet...

See, I know that when I'm really, truly aching, that hiding in my bedroom [or at the bookstore] does not bring me happiness. I come out as sad as I went in. And I have felt joy most often when I am working and serving. When I take the time to play a game with my kids; when I'm busy with church work [not meetings, but actual work LOL]; when I take raw materials and create something new and good [like bread, or chocolate chip cookies, or happy memories for my children], these times are the ones that bring that peace and joy and happiness that God has promised me.

*sigh* That was a bit melancholy. I really am doing well- kids have been ANGELS today [which leads me to be suspicious of those pod-like things in the basement], and today was beautiful- cold and bright and crisp.

Whew

Just a quick list, since I'm up to my ears in jobs ;)

Gratitude List:
* unlimited texts :) Jared calls me on the phone, too, but we mostly text each other, even when he's not TDY.
* I slept in this morning, accidentally.
* When I finally did drag myself out to the kitchen, my kids had already eaten breakfast, and were doing their schoolwork. WOW.
* hot cocoa and french toast [comfort food, for sure]
* blogging
* music
* the library and the budding love affairs my children are developing w/books.
* Hyrum wrote his first love note [with help from his sister] to a little girl, and I get to mail it for him ;) It says, "Dear Xxxx, I love you. I know you have a crush on me. I wish you could play. Love, Hyrum
**Okay, the note really isn't a gratitude thing, but it kind of is, because I'm grateful he has such a tender heart, and that I got to see his first love note, and that he has such good taste- this little girl is extremely intelligent, 2 years older than he is, and definitely on her way to being possibly good enough for my son ;) Hopefully all his girlfriends will be this type LOL.
* chore charts
* our new President has been safely inaugurated. No attacks [at least, no physical ones], no bombs, no shooting. SO thankful for that.
* It was warmer today, so the dogs' water didn't freeze. And I didn't have to go chop ice.
* God

Little Miracles

Charlotte's Web has been a favorite book of mine for many, many [too many to count, really] years. And a few years ago there was a movie made of the book, which I took all [four, at the time] of my kids to see. I LOVED the movie- I was impressed with how well the script captured the feeling of the book, and I pounced on the DVD and bought it the first day it was available. And, I also loved the music in the movie- one song in particular- 'Ordinary Miracle' sung by Sarah McLachlan.

This song can still bring tears to my eyes :). Hearing it reminds me of how much I have to be grateful for. I struggle with this a lot, which is why I like to keep a list at the bottom of my posts. Writing down my blessings, even the small ones, makes them seem more real to me.

Gratitude List:
* movies that lift my spirits [Narnia movies are good for this; so is Charlotte's Web]
* my mom, who came up to tend my kids on Monday last, freeing me up to run some errands and enjoy some alone time.
* my husband, who wrote me a beautiful letter [sorry honey, I know you're a man, but handsome letter doesn't mean the same thing] that I received today.
* I have wonderful friends.
* 2 more weeks 'till Jared's home :)
* dry erase markers and a dry erase board for my kids to color on.
* healthy kids.
* healthy me.
* a strong, supportive, extended family.
* a Father in Heaven who understands my grief, and my happiness, and that they aren't always mutually exclusive.
* the night sky.
* I have money for gas to fill the car to drive me to visit my family and friends.
* books to read.
* soup and bread.

Snow Day

Jared is in MD through the end of January, for training. We both agree it's redundant, but then, a lot of military things are. It's why they are so great at training soldiers, and totally suck at saving money LOL. Anyway, he's enjoying [? or not] the warmer weather out there, and we're enjoying [completely and totally] the snowy winter wonderland that is our yard.

A few nights ago, I finally realized that getting to the gym just isn't happening during the day for me. I could take my kids w/me, but since the daycare has an age limit of 8, I'd still need to find something for my oldest 2 to do. And letting them loose, unsupervised, just scares me [besides being against the gym policy of having to supervise children up to age 12]. I cannot even tell you how many things I can see them getting into, or destroying LOL, all in the name of 'discovering.' Not to mention the occasional creepy person I see walking around the gym area. So, again, not happening right now.

I came up with a solution, however. I desperately need to exercise, to keep up on the frequent family hikes we take during the warmer months of the year. It finally occurred to me that I could go after the kids are in bed- just put the dogs in the house and do a few laps around the block- and get the exercise I want to. Ah-hah!! ** We're also visiting places like Red Butte Gardens, which is a gorgeous place to walk in the summer and winter both. Today we actually took a class about winter, and how plants and animals prepare for winter, and how we prepare for winter. Then we walked around the garden [hooray, more walking LOL] and looked for plants and animals that were prepared for winter. **

Back to walking around the neighborhood: my Wednesday night walk was gorgeous. It was snowing those fat, fluffy snowflakes, and everything was hushed. Oh, :) and I came back wet and happy. For now, this seems to be the best solution. It has the added bonus of getting me out of the house by myself, which I need more now that I'm homeschooling and seem to spend every waking minute with at least one child talking to me. Aaah, the perfect quiet of a solitary walk! Although last night I spent almost an hour talking to Jared while I was walking, so it wasn't really very quiet.

Gratitude List:
* My kids are cooperating again. Wow- twice in one week!
* Walker shoveled the driveway and cleared off most of the snow.
* I made bread, and it was yummy!
* My kids are old enough to share popcorn without fighting [mostly].
* I have 4-wheel-drive :)
* Gas is still under $2/gallon
* The hot water heater works
* hot chocolate in the mornings
* friends and family
* God
* my husband, whether he's home or away.
* 13 years married, today!
* no car payments and money in the bank.

Cherish

:) I have so many things I wish to post about, and so little time right now- back to school, fighting the 'playtime' to get in some 'schooltime' and dealing with computer viruses [thank you Jared for fixing those!], changing all my passwords, backing up the hard drive, and now, FINALLY, I can upload pics from my camera! Except I need to find that little USB cord that connects my camera to the computer. *sigh* I'm sure it's around here somewhere...

Ali Edwards hosts a yearly "one-word" challenge on her blog. I've participated the last two years, and was debating whether to do it agan this year, but decided I needed this- it forced me to sit down and evaluate exactly what I want to be doing this year, and where I want to go- on a personal level- with my life.

I chose the word CHERISH.

I want to cherish what I have, and not make lists of things [especially things I have to dust LOL] that will somehow make my life better. I have a good- well, great, actually- life already.

I want to cherish my husband, and my children. I chose to get married, and to have kids. I chose to stay home. I chose to homeschool. I need to remember WHY, and enjoy this time. How many people do YOU know that can honestly say they are doing exactly what they have chosen to do?!

I want to cherish my memories, and cherish the opportunities I have to make new ones. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I cannot spend all my time focused on the past. Life goes on [it DOES] and I want to be involved in it. I want to cherish the time that we have together. I want to continue making memories with Walker, Morgen, Hyrum, and Jared; because I don't know how much time we'll have together.

Now I need to sit down and evaluate how I'll put all these wishes into effect- make my list of resolutions ;)

Gratitude List:
* We had a lot of family time this past month, and it's been great.
* We're close to our families, so spending time with any/all of them is a treat.
* My parents taught me to be kind to my siblings, and they set a good example by treating their own siblings and parents with kindness.
* I know that my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, lives. I know because of His Atonement that I can see my son, Myles, again.
* God answers prayers. :) I'm especially grateful that he answers MY prayers.
* Our furnace works!
* My computer is working again.
* My children are [temporarily, I'm sure] not fighting.
* My husband is home for one more day :)

Verboten

Or, why my posts will have no [current] pictures for a little while. And this is really all in my head, because I have a less than perfect understanding with my computer right now. :) One of my Christmas presents was a new internal hard drive to supplement our old 40-gig hard drive. I filled that one completely up with itunes and digital photographs. My dh [who is pretty much capable of anything, I've discovered] installed the new drive- there was a spot for it, but no hardware to attach it, so he figured all that out, too. Now we're backing up all the current memory, and then we'll switch the pics and tunes to the new drive, and *gulp* erase them from the old drive. So, while all the backing up is going on, I have not downloaded or saved any pictures. And I have taken a few since our trip to LV. Mostly this is because there really is NO ROOM left on the old hard drive. Partly it is also because I'm afraid if I add anything before the [long and extremely slow] back-up process is complete, the whole darn thing will have to restart.

So this is a summary of the last few days: Friday we drove down to a hunt club, and FINALLY took the kids out for a pheasant hunt. [we stopped along the way to see Nate and Caitlin & their boys, and played with all Saxon's new cars] We hunted the gully [that's a very small canyon, BTW] right next to an access road, which meant that Jared and the dogs walked in/near the gully to look for birds, and I walked along the road with any kids that weren't following him. LOL, I have now held 2- yes, TWO- dead pheasants. Oh the things I will do for love ;). Jared was the only one with a gun [thank goodness], and we made sure we stayed behind him, so he knew where NOT to shoot. We ended up with 4 of the fattest pheasants you'll ever see. Or maybe you won't, depending on the whole picture/hard drive thing...

Left the hunt club, drove to my parents' house for games and dinner, and ended up spending the night, which was probably the safer choice. Saturday was a pretty laid-back day; pancakes for breakfast [thanks to my mom, who is an awesome cook], and lots of snow in the yard. Jared spent most of the morning outside with Kyle, Emmeline, Cassie [she's the honorary canine cousin], Alyson, and all our kids, building a huge snow fort. Actually, it is an igloo- it has a roof, and it's tall enough to stand up in. I did go outside and try it out, and take some pics.

We drove home by way of Provo Canyon through Heber, and checked on my grandparents' house- it's for sale now, which is kind of hard, but understandable. We also stopped at the cemetery [kids were all asleep in the back seat- late nights and lots of outdoor exercise, I guess], and Jared shovelled a path from the road into Myles' grave, and my grandparents' and great-grandparents' graves as well. We brushed off the snow, and tidied things up a bit, then headed home. We made it home in one piece- no accidents or close calls- and fed everybody and went to bed. Yesterday was a normal church day, and we had roast pheasant for dinner. Yep, we eat our kills. Anyway, because they're farm raised, and fed like chickens, they basically taste like chicken. I just need to comment that Jared and I came to an agreement early in our marriage: he shoots it, he cleans it, and he prepares it. I'm happy to taste anything, but I do not prepare wild game of any kind. So, yes, Jared cooked the pheasant ;)

Today, we're slowly working our way through a normal day- chores, school, etc. At least, that's the plan. Who knows what might happen?

Gratitude List:
* heat! Oh I am so glad I have a furnace that works :)
* warm oatmeal [with brown sugar and cranberries] and hot cocoa for breakfast. The cocoa isn't exactly healthy, but it feeds my soul, so it stays.
* kids who are old enough to have morning chores, like 'put the dogs outside and feed them.'
* good church meeting yesterday
* my kids
* my husband ;)
* my family and friends
* having my own set of scripture [I mean, 200 years ago, I'd be lucky to know how to read, much less own ANY books at all]

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

and if we had a fire, I'm sure it would be delightful :). We woke up this morning to more than presents from Santa- we had a full-on blizzard raging outside our windows! So much for visiting family this afternoon. I have snow stuck in the upper corners of my window- in between the screen and the glass- because it was so windy. I bet we got 8 or 10 inches [depending on where you measure], and we're due for more tomorrow. We had 2 hours without power, which was interesting. I had the stove on, cooking chukar soup [like chicken noodle soup, but with a different bird] and heating up some wassail, so the kitchen stayed nice and warm 'till the power returned. Thank goodness for gas-powered appliances!

We're going hunting tomorrow. Yes, this is the family hunting trip that has been postponed twice already due to ... WEATHER ... and we're going for the third one, baby. I am doing this because I want to spend time as a family, doing something that my dh loves to do. :) And I think my kids really need to be outside for awhile. That didn't happen today, for various reasons.

On a good note, I am knitting again. This time it's a kicking bag, and since I'm giving it to somebody who sees this blog, I won't be posting pictures, or explaining exactly what a 'kicking bag' really is. At least, not until I've given it away ;). But because of this little project, I have finally tackled [and sort of mastered] knitting a cable stitch. Hooray!

Oh, and I finished "Undaunted Courage" which is an autobiography about Meriweather Lewis. I first heard of the book when we were up in Montana, and promised myself I would find it and read it. I continue to be amazed at the men [and women] who explored and settled this country. Wow. **Jared's reading it now LOL**

Gratitude List:
* our neighbor has come by TWICE today and cleared our sidewalk and driveway with his snowblower. I love our neighbors!
* Santa Claus brought just enough candy- the kids ate it all, so tomorrow should be relatively normal.
* the workers who fixed the power outage in my area, on Christmas Day, so my house would stay warm tonight.
* any calories consumed on major holidays do not count.
* okay, that last one was more wishful thinking than reality. I AM grateful that my problem with food is that I have too much, rather than too little.
* new snow tires, and a 4-wheel-drive vehicle that "dominates" the snow :)
* no school ;) so this teacher can relax for a few days.
* Today was a good day.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

a little memory

This picture that my SIL Emily took seems so appropriate right now- Myles is holding a flashlight, and grinning and squinting at the camera. He loved playing with flashlights- I have a wind-up one I still carry in my purse [you never know when you'll need a good flashlight, after all...] that he thought was his personal flashlight. I'd get it out and wind it up and turn it on for him, and he'd grin and go around the house with it, exploring and trying to wind up the crank and push the buttons himself. He brought so much light to our family.

I want so much to have him as a part of our Christmas this year, and he won't be here except in our memories of him. I don't want to spoil my kids' Christmas day by expecting them to stay solemn and reverent while there are presents to unwrap- they deserve to be allowed to enjoy those presents and express their joy and excitement without me getting upset. But Myles is a part of our family, and I do want him included in this holiday, so I'm planning to do something Christmas Eve. This is usually the time that we discuss why our family celebrates Christmas- that we're celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We tell them about the Atonement that He made, and how this is a gift to us, and then we talk about the gifts we can give Jesus: not wrapped presents, but gifts like obedience to the commandments of God, and honest efforts to better ourselves by following Jesus' example. We usually read the story in Luke of the birth of Jesus Christ, and it seems that remembering our own little angel fits in well with the rest of these sacred, special events.

It has been hard to get excited about toys, and lights, and reindeer and Santa Claus when I wish so much I could watch Myles enjoying and discovering these things for himself. But I have 3 kids who need me to be excited, so I try to focus on them, and enjoy the moments we are sharing.

On a lighter note, we're starting to find presents around the house. My favorite so far is from Morgen to Rudolph, and it was chewing gum. One of her brothers opened it and took the gum, and there was quite a bit of yelling when this thievery was discovered ;). The more traditional presents [from friends and family] have ended up mostly under the tree, and tonight should bring the delivery of still more gifts.

Gratitude List:
* my sons and daughter
* my husband
* we have snow! :) I love Christmastime with snow.
* chocolate oranges [and I'm also grateful they are not sold all year long, because they are highly addictive]
* itunes, which has an enormous selection of my favorite Christmas tunes
* my early Christmas present- a new hard drive- so I have room for the stuff I'm downloading from itunes, and for all those pictures I keep taking.
* friends and family, and that I enjoy spending time with both.
* the opportunity to share the joy of anonymous giving with Santa Claus
* my heater works, and so does my dishwasher
* space in my house. I don't have to worry about my loud kids disturbing neighbors upstairs/downstairs/next door because we have our own house.
* we have enough for ourselves and to share with others. That is a great blessing right now.
* Oh, and gas is down to $1.30 :) thank you, thank you, thank you!

Joy

no, not my sister ;) although I love her and LOVE seeing her name all over this time of year LOL.

A friend of mine posted this link [Joy to Everyone] on her blog, and I needed to share it here.

I'll just say that it is a beautiful video/song, and it is still bringing tears to my eyes everytime I listen to it on my ipod. Because after I found it I had to download it [and it was free!!] and I'm listening over and over...

Merry Christmas to you all :)

White again?

Apparently our traveling is meant to be white this year- we left my in-laws this morning and it was snowing :). The storm followed us all the way home, and as I type this it is still snowing- the gentle sprinkle of powdered sugar-snow over the ground and trees. It is so still, so calm, and so perfect, and I'm feeling a serenity that is not often present in my life of late.

Anyway, we made it home with no mishaps- minor or major- and got everyone fed and in bed. I have a stack of cool presents [no pictures ;) don't want to spoil the surprise] to wrap, and a LOT of baking to do in the next week.

We had a pretty great vacation, all in all. I managed to get a few items checked off my to-do list, and we also spent almost the whole day Thursday in Carson City. Did you know that the capital of Nevada is NOT Las Vegas? Yep, it's CC, and we were able to tour the State Capitol, and play in the Children's Museum, and walk through a mock mine [which even smelled like a real mine!] in the basement of the Nevada State Historical Museum. :)We took a lunch break at Red's Old 395 Grill [no, not for the beer LOL]. There are lots of old wagons and buggies hanging from the high ceiling of the restaurant, and we loved the switched signs in the bathrooms- the inside of the door in the Men's Room says "Women" [and the Women's Room says "Men"], so I immediately had a moment of panic, thinking I'd walked into the wrong room LOL. Walker and Hyrum thought it was a great joke, after they figured out it was a joke! We met up with my BIL Jon and a friend of his, and spent a little while visiting, while the kids finished their food.

Mostly we spent time with family, playing games and watching movies, shopping, and looking for gemstones out in the middle of the desert. :)Lots of fun, and over too soon, but we know we didn't wear out our welcome.

Gratitude list:
* We made it to Fallon and back, over mountain passes, without any accidents- car or child LOL.
* My in-laws actually like me [miracle right there] and love to play with my children.
* Neighbors who anonymously cleared the snow off our driveway :)
* That I have a warm house to come home to.
* Putting up my MIL's extensive collection of nativities and angels- a beautiful reminder of why we celebrate Christmas.
* my new ipod earbuds, which block a lot of noise even when my ipod is silent, which made our car ride home more peaceful [for me, anyway].
* snow on the ground and dusting the trees.
* a dh who made dinner for my kids while I sorted our mail from this week.
* I know that my Father in heaven loves me.