a little memory

This picture that my SIL Emily took seems so appropriate right now- Myles is holding a flashlight, and grinning and squinting at the camera. He loved playing with flashlights- I have a wind-up one I still carry in my purse [you never know when you'll need a good flashlight, after all...] that he thought was his personal flashlight. I'd get it out and wind it up and turn it on for him, and he'd grin and go around the house with it, exploring and trying to wind up the crank and push the buttons himself. He brought so much light to our family.

I want so much to have him as a part of our Christmas this year, and he won't be here except in our memories of him. I don't want to spoil my kids' Christmas day by expecting them to stay solemn and reverent while there are presents to unwrap- they deserve to be allowed to enjoy those presents and express their joy and excitement without me getting upset. But Myles is a part of our family, and I do want him included in this holiday, so I'm planning to do something Christmas Eve. This is usually the time that we discuss why our family celebrates Christmas- that we're celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We tell them about the Atonement that He made, and how this is a gift to us, and then we talk about the gifts we can give Jesus: not wrapped presents, but gifts like obedience to the commandments of God, and honest efforts to better ourselves by following Jesus' example. We usually read the story in Luke of the birth of Jesus Christ, and it seems that remembering our own little angel fits in well with the rest of these sacred, special events.

It has been hard to get excited about toys, and lights, and reindeer and Santa Claus when I wish so much I could watch Myles enjoying and discovering these things for himself. But I have 3 kids who need me to be excited, so I try to focus on them, and enjoy the moments we are sharing.

On a lighter note, we're starting to find presents around the house. My favorite so far is from Morgen to Rudolph, and it was chewing gum. One of her brothers opened it and took the gum, and there was quite a bit of yelling when this thievery was discovered ;). The more traditional presents [from friends and family] have ended up mostly under the tree, and tonight should bring the delivery of still more gifts.

Gratitude List:
* my sons and daughter
* my husband
* we have snow! :) I love Christmastime with snow.
* chocolate oranges [and I'm also grateful they are not sold all year long, because they are highly addictive]
* itunes, which has an enormous selection of my favorite Christmas tunes
* my early Christmas present- a new hard drive- so I have room for the stuff I'm downloading from itunes, and for all those pictures I keep taking.
* friends and family, and that I enjoy spending time with both.
* the opportunity to share the joy of anonymous giving with Santa Claus
* my heater works, and so does my dishwasher
* space in my house. I don't have to worry about my loud kids disturbing neighbors upstairs/downstairs/next door because we have our own house.
* we have enough for ourselves and to share with others. That is a great blessing right now.
* Oh, and gas is down to $1.30 :) thank you, thank you, thank you!